huh

Ever had a day where you didn't want to sleep because you didn't want to wake up the next day? What am i waking up for? What does it mean when people say "God used me" or "God has a plan for me".
It's just something that hit me some time ago and its been in the back of my mind ever since. You know, the more i thought about it, the more i found myself unable to pray. I tried to forget about God. He would not let me forget. Where could i run to, that i may hide from His presence? All the books that i have read, all the knowledge that i had; could not prepare me for what i am experiencing.
One of the things that i just cannot get my mind around, is the Grace Of God. Man's sins are forgiven, even those committed in the future. All paid for. But we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness.Now i understand. God's response to man's increasing sin, is increasing grace? Foolishness. Offensive to my sense of justice. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.
Nonetheless, i take heart that the Word calls me blessed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. My faith is slippery. It is at odds with itself. But. God always has the last word. Thank God for faith. I believe, and i am blessed. Praise Him.

Hours after i typed this out, after reading it over again, it does sound quite emo. But i choose not to edit it, because it reflects what i felt as i was penning my thoughts. Cheers guys.
-Beh